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With a lack of things to do, I decided to post on LJ. It has been a long time since the last, and as some may have guessed, I'm bored.
My brother is in town for one more week. I think. He hasn't been all that annoying perhaps it's because I haven't seen him. I'm always gone and he's always gone. He went to Florida last week, and I have no clue of what he did, but knowing him I have a good idea. He drove there, so I have a bit of sympathy for the long drive. Nothing beats him trying to make up plans as he goes, and calling me for directions via the internet.
I've heard some bad news about some of my closest friends, but I won't elaborate.
I can't think of much else to say, really.
Tah-tah
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I look back at myself from a few months ago, and I see a different person. I was a person who pushed his emotions away because they hurt too much. I gathered and chained them up, and I pushed one on stage to perform when I felt necessary. I even them gave them a script to follow when certain players arrived on stage. I allowed certain obstacles in my life to rewrite the script, and, as a result, certain emotions began to run the stage, leaving others with bit parts or nothing at all.
I pushed my friends away in the form of a witty and unnecessary remark. I thought it was funny. My friends knew they were meant to be nothing more than a joke. Sometimes words are sharper than daggers, and my friends were done with that. They (Harrison in particular) told me I was a dick. I was being too mean for no good reason. Ordinarily, I would shrug off such a tasteless insult that lacked color and originality. The scorn they had in their voices had burned through me, lighting a fire to force me to get to the cause of why I was such a dick.
I began with an apology. I started to try to break my habit of vomiting insults. I knew I created my emotional dominance to get over the loss of my grandma, but it took me weeks to realize that I didn't get over it at all. I simply ignored it. I ignored it, and my grief rushed on stage when I thought about her. After I realized this truth, I released my captive emotions.
It would seem that I institutionalized my emotions. Now, I constantly feel sad over my loss, but I still pretend to be happy around my friends, I still get angry about racism, and I still throw out the creative insults. I now feel empathy, and that makes me feel like a person.
I am glad to have such good friends.
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I had a dream last night, and I said something that I didn't really want to forget. The dream starts out with Adam, Harrison, Jessica, and myself hanging out in the food court at the Evansville mall. All of a sudden we get put into a cliche hostage situation. They suck so bad at what they are doing that they need to kill someone to show how serious they are. I was in line at some place prior to the insurgence, and my peeps were on the other side. They point out at them, and I make a fuss. I wear them down, and they ask if I have any last words.
"If there is one thing I don't ever want to take for granted, it's the people I love. I know I don't always say the nicest things to them, but I hope by now they look at my actions to know where I stand among them. For those people I would wear any shame. For those people I would bear any burden. And for those people I gladly accept death."
I feel like I'm leaving stuff out, but I can't remember, and the last three lines sound like they could be wedding vows. Old fashioned wedding vows when "til death due us part" still meant something, and marriages were still serious. Anyway, once I say death, I assume is when I get killed, so I woke up.
I like to wonder what I would act like in dire situations like these. I wonder if I would be the person who freaked out or the person who didn't care as long as it didn't affect him. I wonder if I could live by those lines. I doubt it. The more I think about it, the less likely I see it happening. I know I could share burdens and shame for a dear friend, but to carry it all alone is another. Accepting death for someone I care for seems possible though. Only because I would think it selfish to ask someone to die with me, and also if I was trying to save their life it would seem like a wasted effort. Damn, I would feel a swell of respect for that person though.
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I've been thinking. I think I should kick myself out of my house. I have no idea what I want to do with my life, and I'm pretty sure living without an edumacation is not how I want to do it. That being said, why can't I figure out what I want to do? I tend to work well under pressure, so maybe if I'm harder on myself (supporting myself), then maybe I will figure in a plan. I practically have nothing of value to myself, so it would be an interesting experience. However, I don't think I have the income to do this. Anybody interested in rooming with me? I guess it would help to have a place to go too.
Changing subjects, am I really an asshole? I know I say some horrific things sometimes, but I don't mean them. I always tell my friends that if I get to them, they can ask me to stop. Still, I don't want to be mean to my friends, it just happens. As friends normally do, they jokingly insult each other. I may have become too witty for my own good, and come up with really good comebacks. I have theories about how this happened, but they are the same as usual: Chris or racism. I never really liked to physically hurt people, so I got really good at it with words.
Anybody who I have ever hurt, by saying something mean... I'm sorry.
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Well, I woke up about a half hour ago. I fell asleep at about 11pm. There is no way in hell I'm gonna be able to get back to sleep now! Ordinarily, I would just be going to bed, but I guess it didn't work out today.
This post has nothing to do with anything. It's just something to do for a while. I wonder what I'm gonna do. Anybody awake? I will be for the rest of the damn day.
I discovered that Erica at Hardee's is ALWAYS late. It's been 3 times in a row where she ended up being 10+ minutes late when she is to replace me. It's strange that I'm late everyone of those days too. I've only been late twice on my own accord. These times were because I was called in while doing something, but today my papa needed a ride, and was being pokey.
I love saying pokey. It's one of those words I used to say as a child, but forgot about. Jessica said it, and I remembered it.
On the topic of words, Adam's new favorite word is acclimated.
I can tell this will be a long morning.
...I'm a bit hungry.
I got my hairs cut today. I already don't like it. I walked to Harold's, and my ears got all cold. It's a nice 60 degrees in my room today, but it feels like it's freezing.
I guess me and Adam (the only confirmed goers) are gonna be going to Evansville Wednesday. We found a Japanese restaurant there called Zuki. Adam likes it because the Asian people are all wall-ties to him, and Harrison likes the sushi. I like it because it is owned by my Filipino brethren.
Heh, I love just randomly remembering stuff. I just remembered Carleen's b-dubs b-day party. Brett likes to beat the dead horse with the "I had sex with your mom" joke. Jessica got in on it, and apparently Jessica and my mom were doing it on top of me while I was sleeping. I can't imagine what my reaction would be if that happened.
I wish Jessica were here. Hell, I wish ANYBODY was here with me. I'm gonna be bored out of my mind. I wish it were like 8am or something. On second thought, it's kinda messy here.
I hate the wee hours of the morning sometimes. I think of all the things I could be doing, but I can't because it would make too much noise. This stupid old house makes too much noise when I walk around. I could really use to clean this place up too. The internet can only hold my attention so long, and right now I'm done with it.
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I'm beginning to think my bad luck is getting worse. It seems like something bad is happening to me every week now. I guess it has been a while since the first really bad thing that happened to me. The instance I am making reference to is the old lady at Westport Inn.
I'm sure everyone who reads my Livejournal knows about this already, but this one is for the books. There is an old lady and her husband that come into Westport Inn on a regular basis, and they are racist. I'm not 100% for sure if it is racism or fear that they avoid me, but I think it is racism. They used to be kinda chummy with me, until I told them that I'm Filipino. Since then, when I ask if I could do something for them, they say it's alright and get the waitress to do it for them. Well, I was upstairs cleaning the tables like a good worker, and suddenly, the restaurant gets quiet. I look down at the other side of the building, and miss old lady is choking. I didn't want to do anything about it, so I just watched for a while. Nobody did anything, so I decided I should walk there, all the while praying that somebody would get there before me. Unfortunately, I got there. I came up behind her, and attempted the heimlich (sp?) maneuver. Her old saggy boobs were not to my liking. The old man was going nuts. Claiming that I was hurting her. There was a black lady at the round table next to theirs saying I was doing it right, and trying to calm down ole' whitey, but he wouldn't have it. Old lady passed out on me, and I laid her limp body on the ground. I was thinking, "damn it, now I have to do CPR." As I started, old man was saying I was killing her, and yelling racial obscenities to me and the black lady. As I revived miss old lady, she coughed some steak bits and white zinfidel wine in my mouth. I felt like I was gonna throw up. Vickie, the bartender, was nice enough to give me some Captain Morgan's to rinse my mouth out. Anyway, old lady went on with her business, but she had to be helped out by my white co-bus person. On her way out, she looked around as if embarrassed, and whispered thanks to me. The white man, just looked at me like he was disgusted. They came a couple weeks later, and still pretend I don't exist.
Two Saturdays ago, was another strange event. After work, I was driving home, and I received a text message from Miss Jessica. I was about 2 blocks from my home at the time, and I was driving only 20 mph. I looked at the text message for a brief second, and looked back at the road. A dog was running in front of me! I slammed on my breaks and hit the creature. I got out to check if was alive, and as I walked up front it was already hobbling away towards Mr. Jones' house. (I know everyone in my neighborhood due to a paper route and family connections.) I got back in my car and parked it. I also told Jessica that I just hit a dog. I walked over to Mr. Jones' house, and tried to find the dog. There was a bit of blood, and I found the dog hidden away under the stone porch. Right then, I knew it came there to die. It's animal (at least for cats and dogs) instinct to find a quiet secluded place to die. I tried to call the dog out. It was breathing heavily, and I couldn't crawl in to get it. Mr. Jones came out at that time to ask what was up, and I told him what was going down. Jessica told me to call animal services at about this time, but I lied to her and told her we already were (sorry Jessica). The truth of the matter was that Mr. Jones and myself didn't think the dog was going to live for a second, so he didn't want to call them up at the time. We looked in, and the dog had stopped breathing. We got out a gardening tool, it is like a hoe but with teeth instead of a solid plate, and we pulled the dog out by the collar. Although it had a collar, it had no identifying tags. I went home and showered. Jessica later asked me if I took pictures, claiming that Brenda wanted to know. I was a little upset by this question at first. I thought she was implying that I was some weirdo. Later, Jessica told me she was wondering if I was lying to her.
Last weekend wasn't a brush with death, but just a series of unlucky things. At Westport we hired a new bus person. She seemed nice. She wanted to know what to do, and tried really hard to learn how. That Friday went well, despite her being new. Of course, her true colors were shown the next day. She came in at 10 am to play in the little gambling room we have. She played and played, until 2 pm. By then, her foot some how managed to start hurting her, and she couldn't work that night, which starts at 3 pm. She was fired. We called in my brother. Working with Chris is one of the few things I like to do with him. He knows what he is doing and works really hard at it. Anyway, the hostess broke a glass, so I had to clean it up. I ended up cutting my hand. It was one of those tiny cuts that bleed profusely. It was bleeding for over 10 minutes, and then the hostess was cleaning a plate, and she dropped it, and it knocked over a salt shaker, and the salt got into my wound. If you have never put salt on a wound, do it. It disinfects it, stops the bleeding, and burns like hell.
This week was going pretty nicely. I got to see lots of Dan, saw Sweeney Todd with friends, and bought some neat-o things. Once again this weekend is proving to be bad for me. I got a new bus person at Westport. She is as lazy as the mice in Speedy Gonzales cartoons, I had to show her continually where everything went and where to find things, but she did remember where she had to go to go smoke. Thank goodness for that. Last night, Chris woke me up at 3 am. I went to bed at 2. He wanted me to take him to Hardee's, but I was like fuck that. My bad sleeping abilities are going to be the death of me, as I could not go back to sleep after that. We ended up going to Denny's at 4 am. We played cards for a good while, and we left at about 6. We played Super Smash Brothers when we got back. He is 1 game ahead, but he was 4 at one time. My unluck is killing me in that game too. Fucking bob-ombs appearing in front as I'm in mid-swing. It's bullshit. Then, I worked at Hardee's 8-11. I didn't feel much like talking the first while I was there. I was a little grumpy from my not sleeping, and the sleepiness of course hits me when I have something to do. When I got home at 11, I showered and tried so hard to sleep, but I couldn't do it. Work was crappy. We were steady, but the people kept coming in until really late. I got out at about 10:30. Now, I want to sleep really badly, but I can't Chris has turned 21 today (Jan. 6th), and I have to stay awake to drive them from bar to bar, until they are done.
I'm hoping that this flux of bad luck will finally come full circle, and I get some good luck going. Unless it is the second half of BLOLD, and I have this terrible shadow of badness following me. I hope it's not that case.
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I've been having this sad dream lately. It has occurred twice now.
It starts out with me winning the lottery. Yay, right? Well, of course I'm all excited, but I realized that money cannot buy happiness. Now that I am soon to be rich it would be nearly impossible to find my true love. So I decided right then that I am gonna hide my good fortunes from the world.
The next thing I do is tell my parents. They are out of town on their way back home from Indy. I tell them, and they were so excited that they didn't see the semi-truck rolling at them. Of course it was carrying gasoline and there was a huge fiery explosion. I didn't see it in my dream though. I got a phone call from some guy who found my Dad's cell phone which miraculously survived the chaos. I was crushed like any person would be. I had lost all the people who had brought me up.
I made a few calls telling the family the tragic news, and called over a few friends. Harrison was already in Muncie and Damion was visiting him. So Adam and Jessica were the only ones who came over. I wanted to watch the Little Mermaid to try to calm myself down. Adam arrived first, but when Jessica arrived I lost it. I collapsed on the ground crying. I remember yelling that there was nobody left to live for. They eventually calmed me down, and we watched the Little Mermaid, but I don't remember any of it (probably because I have never seen it).
The next day my immediate family came in and I told them of my "good" fortunes. I decided to give them a cut. They were happy, but it was still bitter. More and more family members came in, and after the funeral they left. I was all alone in my house.
I don't know how I met my true love, but it just suddenly happened. She was living with my in my house. We had managed to stay together for 2 years and we eventually got married. All the while I kept my fortune a secret. Once we were married, I showed her some papers (most likely from my bank), and she freaked out. We were finally gonna live like millionaires.
We moved to the east coast because that is where she wanted to move. We wanted two children, and we had just produced a daughter. It was my daughters second birthday when my wife died the same way my parents had. I was devastated and wanted to die, but I was determined to give our daughter a good life.
I raised her the best I could. Being stern and making sure she understood that money wasn't everything. She brought home friends and boyfriends and it was good fun. I would give them a hard time and she was so embarrassed. I always gave her boyfriends the "responsibilities" speech.
It was her senior prom, and I gave her boyfriend one of my good cars (I don't even know what kind). They both promised to be back by 2am. I just did random things in my amazing house until 2am rolled around. I wasn't expecting them to be on time, but it got to 2:30. I called her cell, but no answer. I decided to call her friends houses to find some answers. The answer I got was that she had already left. I called her boyfriends house and he wasn't home either. I got a knock on the door at about 5am. The police officer told me she and her boyfriend were hit by a drunk driver and they couldn't recover because he too was drunk. Like that my world had fallen apart. I went into my home and cried for what seemed like hours. I some how produced a gun and killed myself.
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This week went by really fast. So fast that it feels like it slipped through my fingers.
I went to the Monday Night Games at Krista and Zack's (sp?). It was rather uneventful this week. We watched Sleepy Hallow. I had the chance to watch Deathproof with the crew, but I had to kick my brother's ass in SSBM. I hate playing him in that game. He tries to work the games mechanics against me, but if I can live long enough to have the computers die, I am ordinarily the victor.
Tuesday, I was kinda bored. I didn't feel like doing much of anything during the day. I went to Harrison's and watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It was the live action one, and it was awesome. Nobody wanted to go though.
Wednesday, I had a flat tire. The tread on my tire has been pretty bad, so it is possible I had it even before I left for class. I noticed it after my last class and got out the spare. My penis enabled me to fix it by myself even though I had never done before , unlike Jessica.
Yesterday, I had to get my tire fixed. I went all out for my car, since my parents are supposed to reimburse me. I got 2 front tires, new wiper blades, an oil change, and some sort of tire insurance thingy in case they fail for the amount they say they last. I hung out with Damion most of the day. It was quite a bit of fun. We fed Damion (the snake), and it was awesome. If you weren't watching closely you would have missed it. We also watched the Futurama movie. It is like most TV show movies and it is just like a longer episode, but it was good nonetheless. I also watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze at Harrison's. Once again, nobody wanted to attend. They were sleepy.
Me and Harrison agreed on something. Our friends are weak. The require way too much sleep. We also decided to watch the travesty film of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III: I don't know the subtitle tonight.
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Taurus The second sign of the zodiac, Taurus is ruled by Venus. The glyph represents the Bull, Taurus's symbol. The sign is concerned with the manifestation of the self, with basic needs being the foremost. Ruled by Venus, Taurus personalities tend to be driven by their affections rather than by emotions. Personal Traits
Taurus is the direct opposite of the Aries character. Taureans tend to be slow, methodical, practical and reserved. They are also stolid, tenacious and determined. Possessing tremendous willpower and self-discipline, they are inclined to stick to tried and traditional methods. Their greatest satisfaction derives from results produced directly by their own personal efforts rather than by others. Roots are very important to the Taurean. A sense of permanence, a feeling of security is essential. Generally an easygoing person, slow to anger, but once roused is known for a ferocious temper. Very difficult to deal with when angry. Usually set off by jealousy due to a possessive nature. Loyalty is important to a Taurus, and a true friend of a Taurean will speak well of their great generosity.
Honesty, integrity and dependability are notable Taurean characteristics. The calm, pleasant, and well intentioned Taurus exterior belies the volcanic temper that can erupt when sufficiently aroused. The bright side of the stubborn bull's nature is, they are incredibly and uncompromisingly loyal to their friends. Established slowly, a Taurus friendship can, and often lasts a lifetime
Positive Traits Taureans are warm, loving, gentle and charming most of the time. Motivated by self preservation, the Taurean is not a risk taker and weighs every decision carefully, in a slow and methodical manner. To more impulsive people, the Taurean is a bore. Opinionated and stubborn, once a Taurean makes a decision, it is written in stone. nobody can alter it.Basically physical people, they prefer the known to the unknown and the tried to the new. They love the earth, possessions, and generally treat those they love as sacred possessions. Main positive traits: Stable, dependable, practical, conventional,determined and patient.
Negative Traits Taureans can be very caring and warmhearted but there is a tendency to be extremely jealous, possessive and very stubborn. Taurus must strive to keep an open mind because his strong personal convictions can blind him to the ideas of others. Risks are taken only if it is absolutely necessary and only after much consideration. This is a sign that's slow to change and would prefer a steady routine in life.me Main negative traits: Possessive, stubborn, materialistic, lazy.
Profession Prosperous at developing and maintaining wealth, Taureans do well in banking and finance. In business, they shine in fields concerned with the earth and money. Architect, builder, gardener or accountant, financier, banker, auctioneer, real estate broker, are all professions which attract a Taurus. They may even possess a good singing voice as music may be said to be a Taurean art. Many Taureans have a find real pleasure in gardening. Gifted with a natural artistic nature, they also may excel as crafts workers.
Persistence, thoroughness and single-mindedness that can take on dogmatic qualities are the hallmarks of the Taurean personality. No detail will ever be overlooked by the eyes of a Taurean. Motivated by a desire to obtain and accumulate physical possessions, they can be compulsive in their intensity to secure an ample supply of everything they consider important.
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It is 46.8 degrees Fahrenheit in my room. I can barely feel my fingers as I type. It's 36.2 degrees outside.
I LOVE WINTER!!!
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I don't ever double post in one day, but I have a bunch to tell.
1) Jessica has reminded me of the first CD I ever purchased: Americana by the Offspring. It is actually pretty good. I think Pretty Fly (for a white guy) stereotypes my view on white people pretty well.
2) I need to watch Titanic again. I think it was Lee and Jessica telling me that I needed to watch it again because I could grasp the story and pay enough attention for 3 hours. The reason for this sudden interest is that it was playing on the TV's at Westport Inn today. I couldn't hear it, but I could understand the fiery passion Rose had to rescue Jack when he was handcuffed to a pipe.
3) One of the regulars was telling me of a recurring dream she had. She was somewhere in the southern U.S. boating with her friends. She would castaway onto some deserted island during a storm. She had the dream several times, except all but one of her friends would die each time with a different surviving friend.
It got me thinking of if this scenario happened which friend would be the most ideal in this situation? My current top 3 friends would be Harrison, Adam, and Jessica (sorry for those who didn't make the list). I immediately thought Jessica would be horrible. I think she would be far too distraught to do anything. The only positive would the fact that she is a girl, and I would probably get to make all the decisions due to that. I think Harrison would initially be better than Adam. I think he could be collected enough to help with all the basic needs and be a great asset. His downfall would be his short attention span. I think if we were in it for the long haul, he would go crazy. Adam is almost the opposite. I think he would do the white person thing and complain about what has happened. He would also be terrible because he is allergic to practically everything. I think with enough convincing and time Adam could develop into a good companion. He would want to get out of the coconut paradise and concentrate only on getting out.
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When I went to Muncie to pick up Harrison with Adam and Jessica. I told them why at times I seem to be a cold, emotionless asshole. The example we used the example of Vanilla Face (a kid at Hardee's). He said he might have cancer of the hands and I kinda just shrugged and said that sucks. Adam told me I was a mean person for not caring. It made me feel a little bad. It's not that I didn't care for Vanilla Face's well-being it's just that I have never experienced that kind of problem before and I don't know how he feels. I try (maybe too hard) to make it seem like nothing is wrong with myself, so I don't draw attention to myself.
I then thought why do I care if people feel sorry for me? I think it might go back to two things in my childhood. The first thing is the problem that has afflicted me all of my life. The fact that I'm not all white. I have been treated differently all my life and teased and sometimes ridiculed for something I had absolutely no control over. I guess what I've always wanted was to just be treated normally, and now I go to what some may call extremes to obtain that. An example on that same day would be when we walked into Wal-Mart to get Adam's "something." My ankle started hurting me for no reason and I tried my hardest not to limp despite my pain.
The other thing that bothered me as a child was my older brother Chris. In high school many teachers that knew he was my brother gave me a higher standard than others around me. He was such an outstanding student and I had to live under the shadow he cast. There are other examples too. People always thought he was such a nice person and he was overall amazing. This is something I didn't understand because he was always a dick to me. He would try to charge me money for car rides even when he was going there and he would constantly hurt me and bar my path to do things. Whenever we were in public and on his return trips to home he always acted like he did me some great favor by being my brother, but the greatest favor he did was leaving. It wasn't until his last trip here that I could finally make him understand. I hope this visit won't be like the others.
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Many know that I am not the best when it comes to sleep. I would sleep very little every night (2-4 hours) and feel pretty good or a little groggy at worst. Once a week I would have to pass out and sleep for 8-12 hours.
Recently, I have been sleeping for 4 hours straight, and I have had no repercussions to my little amounts of sleep. I don't know what I did, but it feels awesome! These past 3 weeks have given me a whole lot of time to do things. I have had lots of fun hanging out with my friends really late (usually 2am) and then go home to do homework.
Humans spend about half of their lives sleeping, but I have some much more time for myself now!
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I took Harrison to Muncie yesterday. The thing is I didn't want to do it. I almost think I had to do it though.
You see, I decided to flip a coin on it. I decided heads would be take him, and tails would be not to take him. I flipped the coin and it was heads. I thought, "well, let's go 2 out of 3." I flipped it again, and it was heads once again. I thought, "crap, I wonder what would happen if I flipped it again?" Once again it was heads. I called Harrison and told him I didn't want to take him, but I would give him the chance at a coin toss. He called it heads. I was thinking, "yes, it's not gonna be heads 4 times in a row." Of course, that wasn't the case. It was heads and I told him that I had to take him because the Gods were demanding it.
I can't help but wonder if Harrison's trip to Muncie will be extra-spectacular or if something bad would have happened if I didn't take him.
Anyway it was worth it. I am prepared to make the boring trip to Indianapolis Airport alone November 21 when I have to pick up my brother. 3 hour car rides are not fun, and they are terrible alone. I found myself not paying attention and I missed a turn and went into a dirt road leading into the forest.
In other news, I think divinity is hilarious. I would consider myself agnostic, but it's because I don't know if there is a God or Gods. In my own beliefs I think religion is wonderful because it gives hope to the hopeless and teaches valuable morals to people. I think it's strange that I was raised well (at least I think I was) by barely going to church. I think I've only been 4 times in my lifetime. I'm not saying it's worthless because Adam claims it turned him into an upstanding citizen. I guess what I'm trying to go at is that I am not a Godless heathen like I sometimes claim to be, but I can't tell when the Gods (better more than not enough) speak out if they even do like some people claim. Not everything is so noticeable as 4 coin flips landing heads up in a row.
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It's been a full week without internet. I was wondering what I was gonna do with myself during those late hours of night without wikipedia, youtube, and tv-links.
I bet you are wondering what happened. Anyway, last Wednesday night there was a terrible storm. That storm caused a tree branch to fall on our power lines and phone lines. That branch was balancing on the power line and my garage, but it pulled out the phone line.
Here is the funny part, when mom got home from work Thursday afternoon she realized that was there. She did an OMFG Mikey come here! Of course I went over to check it out. She told me what happened. I was all like "okay, let me put some clothes on." I went out and thought wow that's huge. I don't think I could drag it if it were on the ground. She was take it down. I was thinking to myself the worst case scenario of it falling on me snapping the electrical lines and my helplessly lying there with power lines all about me. I told her I wasn't gonna deal with it. She continues on and tries giving me a fully metal snow shovel to take it down. I laughed in her face and she called my dad for a suggestions. She at first tried to convince my dad to convince me to take it down and I heard him yell at her over my cell phone. He told her to call the city.
The city took it down immediately but it took a whole week to fix the phone lines.
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Ok, Dan, here's the deal. Everyone in your former circle of friends believe in a few things.
1) We miss you. Not because you are our "comic relief" like you think, but because you are just fun to be around. There was always positive, fun energy around you.
2) We think you should try to fit in some time with us. I know that you love Joni and all, but with the exception of work and school you spend every minute with her. Personally, with a large sum of my high school buddies gone, I don't know if I can manage to see others leave me too. Also Harrison is supposed to leave us for Muncie next semester.
3) Those theories keep piling up, but nobody thinks ill towards you and Joni other than the fact that you don't hang out with us anymore.
Come on Dan, out of all those years you hung out with us, is being with Joni everyday that much better? I know you should say no. Your last post thinking about me and Harrison proves it.
I know (unless she was lying to me about telling you to hang out with us) Joni would agree.
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About 2 years ago was the last time I saw my grandmother. Up until then she was the sole survivor of my grandparents.
I remember what I did that day, but the actual date is a mystery to me. I remember I bought her groceries and then proceeded to destroy her at Skip-bo.
Anyway, that's not what I'm thinking about. I was thinking about how much I miss my grandmama, and I was thinking about how I never really grieved her death. Being the emotionally controlled person I am is all because of her, but I still lose it a bit thinking about her.
Working at Westport has been giving me a whole bunch of free time since nobody thinks it's open due to it's construction work. Saturday I got to thinking about her and I was tearing up, and then I remembered what I was doing and had to wipe my face. I was thinking this is stupid. It happened 2 years ago. Why am I still this upset.
Anyway, I am questioning if I should let myself loose and finally allow myself to feel the loss of my grandmother, or should I keep myself in the calm and collected manner I have been in since? Does crying really allow yourself to feel better?
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I don't know what it is, but I feel amazing. I decided to skip all my classes today, which is very unlike me, but it has definitely been worth it. I went to Washington to deposit my last check from Byrnes & Thacker (my former bosses at Westport Inn), and I listened to Incubus' last album: Light Grenades. The last song put me in a really good mood for some weird reason. It's called "Diamonds and Coal."
The song itself is about how relationships have their rough edges, but I believe it can apply to most things. It's theme is that beautiful things often start out ugly. "Diamonds start out as coal."
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Yeah, like many times before, I have dropped my phone today, but this time my phone is tired of that bullshit! It started out with a weird humming whenever I tried to talk to someone. Then, when I got to work it started to vibrate out of nowhere. I assumed I had a call, but I didn't and I checked if it was an alarm or something, but the ringer was also on. I was trying to figure it out for a good 10 minutes and decided screw it! Then I when I came back to my car at about 9-9:30 it was still vibrating. I checked it out again, and the battery was almost dead, so I tried to turn it off, but then it turned itself back on! I decided I would see if it would stop on its own again, and went to Hardee's. It started to turn itself off because of the low battery, but it was also turning itself on again. So it just keeps beeping saying low battery, turning itself on, and turning itself back on. I took the battery out. I'm at home now and am charging my vibrating phone.
I'm not gonna be having my cell phone on my, so send me texts and whenever I am home I will check them..... for now at least.
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thankful
blah
cold